EllenM (Transgender from Newcastle upon Tyne)

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EllenM
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Last Visited:	29 March, 2015
Registered:	19 August, 2005
Location:	Newcastle upon Tyne, Tyne and Wear, England

Profile:

Transgender

Favorite Look:

General / Everyday wear

Total re-edit on 24/03/15 to reflect my changed conditions. (Sorry, it's pretty long... basically tl;dr: Crossdressed for years, decided I needed to transition late last year, finally went to the doctor's in February.)

My name is Ellen, I'm 43 years old and I've been crossdressing my entire life. It is only since about last September/October that I have realised that I actually need to transition and only in the last week that I have actually been able to do something about it - I went to my doctor's a four weeks ago and asked to be referred to the Gender Identity Clinic.
I am married to a wonderful woman who has known about and supported my crossdressing almost from the beginning (we have been together for 25 years this year and I told her after the first six months) and we have an 11 year old son who has known about me for just over a year and who has taken having his dad wear skirts and make up very much in his stride.
I did start to transition about five or six years ago -I got as far as going to the GIC - but back then it wasn't right for me. I was having a really difficult time with my work and it was making me seriously depressed and I think without the pressure release of the possibility of transition things could have gone seriously dark. Suffice to say that things changed and by the time I went to the clinic, I was in a better frame of mind and had decided that it wasn't what I needed. (My apologies if I made anyone else have to wait longer for their appointment!)
The reason it took so long to tell my wife about my need to transition is because I know that she is going to have a very hard time coming to terms with it. I probably wouldn't have told her when I did if I wasn't awake worrying at 4am and she woke up and wanted to know what the problem was. And I wasn't going to lie to her. (This is Ellen's Terrible Way to Come Out To Somebody No.1 - for added difficulty, make sure you tell her when everything else in life is also crap - serious job stress, family illness, money problems and getting a new kitchen installed...)
Over the last few weeks things have been moving on slowly - we've talked and there have been tears and she is still not sure but I think she might be getting better, even if she hasn't realised it. She has an appointment in a couple of weeks to talk to a therapist through Relate.
I've also started to come to terms with actually being on the journey now. And, it feels right. When I went to the doctor's for the referral, I was a little unsure - was I making another mistake? - but over the last few weeks, having got over the hump of telling my wife, get the referral and be able to focus on the future, I have realised that it is exactly what I want and need. I was getting my legs waxed earlier this week and talking about it to the beauty therapist and I said to her 'I am a girl' and, for the first time ever, realised that it was true. (Age notwithstanding)
I had a mother/daughter day with my mom yesterday - she has known about my crossdressing since I was in my early 20s and she took me for a spa day and makeover. We were walking through the children's section in Debenhams and I happened to mention how I had 'retroactive jealousy' of the girl's clothes and how I wished I could have worn them when I was young. She asked if I would have liked to have grown up as a girl and I told her that yes, I would have liked that very much. Then, over lunch (in the Debenham's Café - I can recommend the jacket potato with chicken curry) she asked me if I still felt like that and if I thought I might want to do it at some point in the future. At which point, I told her "I'm doing it now." (This, by the way, is Ellen's Terrible Way to Come Out To Somebody No.2 - collect the set!) We talked, there were a few tears, but she knows now and she is supportive and happy for me (and not hugely surprised either to be honest)
So, that's where I am now - waiting for my referral, trying not to push my wife with all of this crap and desperately hoping that she's going to be okay with everything and we manage to make it through. (Although, even if we don't, I know she is going to remain my best friend and my biggest supporter.)

I'm tall, have long brunette hair and brown eyes.

Interests: Cross-dressing, Shopping, Boots, Stockings / Suspenders, Office wear, Lingerie, Dressed nights out, Groups, Panties, Hair accessories, Email chat, Leather Skirt/Dress, Full Makeup, High Heels, Evenings, Weekends, No Male Admirers Please!, Bridal/Wedding wear, Swim/Beach wear, Experienced, Tights/Pantihose, Satin/Silk, Furs, Attached, Friendship, Movies / Cinema, Comedy Clubs / Festivals, Politics, TV/TG Activism & Awareness, Dresses, Skirts, Leggings, Casual Tops, Smart Tops, Books & Literature, Kilts, Social Meets Only!

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