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Genderqueer
Favorite Look:
Slutty / Trashy
09/07/23
Ok update long overdue, Mental Health took a huge downward spiral over the last year, my head was really messed up mainly due to the flashback Im still getting, but now coming to terms with life, although Im doubtful of getting any help from my Doctors, they feel that I cant be Trans anything as I dont dress Fem ? I had sessions with the shrink they sent me to, who feels I need prof help from a GIC, Yet cant get help from them because no support from the Doctors. Anyone that has gone down this route will know that you need the support from the Doctors.
Managed to put a bra on without shaking and breaking down, I cant believe Im a B cup 😛 and my cleavage is starting to look good, next payday I need to get at least one other bra, hard to find my size as out of work. Sex has taken a backseat for now although its very hard going without lol, perhaps I need a holiday in Gran Canaria 😋. Anyway my mental health is better controlled atm, so hoping the rest of 2023 is much better than the first half.
02/10/22
Back home in Surrey now
19/9/22
Staying in Darlington for the week, cant accom but can meet, would love friends with similar interests in this area as trying to move here full time
Update 1
19th Dec
Ok slight update needed, seen a shrink and she feels I would benefit from talking to someone from one of the many Trans groups around the country. Sadly not as easy as it sounds
I have discovered Im very attracted to Dominant Big Butch ladies, no idea why except they ooze sex appeal especially in heels, and yes Im into boot, shoe and heel worship. Sadly the only Domme Butch Ladies I meet expect a fee and sorry ladies, thats not my thing
Ok this is very scary for me and not sure I can even do this. For as long as I can remember one of my many fetishes has been Domme Ladies, and T.Girls but because of my phobia of canes and crops etc etc I have never gone further than a hand spanking, and with that I discovered my very low pain threshold. Which is a shame as I get those shivers inside everytime I meet a Domme. I guess I need/want to take more but dont know how to, and short of being gagged and restrained I cant see it becoming a reality, could this be down to the hormones Ive been taking, I have no idea. Nothing has changed on the sex side of things, I love it when a guy makes me swallow his cock and also long for a strapon again, no changes there, except I want more all the time. I dont like choices lol. (My male bits no longer work, which is cool).
14/7/21
I believe we owe it to ourselves to keep this wonderful site going. Thankyou to Stella and her team for keeping it going xxx
This Carnival world of colour has pulled me back into its fold, The carousel Ive jumped on Im not getting off. Im sorry I waited so long to return to the fold
Mon 14th June 2021
Ok today on the advice of a friend on here (she knows who she is, and she is correct in what she has said) I've changed my profile name as, although outwardly I just look the same, inside I think of me as female, I guess I always did even when my feelings were burried. I made another step today by arranging with my Doctor to be refferred to speak to a proffesional about my feelings and someone that can understand the turmoil going around in my head atm. My first steps to coming out to at least some of the world. I know this is going to take time. Being unemployed I cant just go out and get a new wardrobe I have to save up to buy the things needed, but inside is what matters now.
Sat 29th May 2021
Ok, I hadnt done any updates since New Year and thought this was overdue. Ive cheated a little by copying from my fetlife writings, mainly as it has more bearing here, and it may help other who are dealing with similar 😀.
Still overweight by god knows how much, Brown eyes, short flat top haircut with grey bits. Oh and 6ft ish in height. And sadly quite a few health issues
JOURNAL ENTRY · My life and the reasons behind the choices I've started to make
Ok for the last 10yrs Ive had some feelings that had been buried over 40 yrs ago. The world was a much different place back then and gay guys and TGirls weren't really accepted in society, at least not in the North of England. I knew as early as 12 that I didnt feel right dressing as a boy, I had alredy started wearing my mums stockings and tights and they gave me a thrill that I wanted more every time I put them on. Then I found my mums "toys" and although it hurt at 1st, like with the stockings I tingled all over the deeper it went. It took about a year before I was fucking myself with my own dildos which of course I had to hide outside as I had a brother and 2 sisters, all younger than me so nothing was sacred. I hit 16 and was going into the Merchant Navy. Id heard all the stories about how a lot of seamen would use the deck boy. Oh how disapointed I felt when they ignored me for the whole 6 wks I was away. There was a good point to this, as I was able to shop for skirts and dresses and boots (sigh) they are a whole different chapter, I may add that fetish later. Anyway over the next 2yrs I lost my cherry on my 2nd trip to sea and was blissfully used at least once a day by 2 different guys. Needless to say at the end of my 6 month contract I didnt want to look for another ship as I was very content. By now during my trip I was dressing all the time as a girl except during working hours. The company had a strict dress policy of boilersuits complete with company logo. Sadly this all was about to end. By the time I left the ship I had a huge fem wardrobe, I had spent 2mths in Singapore where lady boys were accepted and the clothes were amazing. Anyway I had to keep my clothes at home and my world came to a very violent end. My stepfather had control of me until my 21st birthday, (part of my mother and fathers divorce settlement, I was to live at home until I reached 21 or was married, they split in 1965/66 and by April 66 we had moved 280 miles away) Anyway at this time I had already found out how homophobic my family were so they had no idea I was gay, strangely enough they still dont. Im not sure they ever will either. With that little bit of background done I can continue. When I was home I hid my clothes at the back of the wardrobe. Needless to say that one day my step father went through my bags and found everything. Later in the day I had gone home and as soon as I opened the door him and my brother laid into me. My stepfather punched me in the face wearing all his rings on and my brother hit my legs from behind, I of course went down and they all laid into me except my sisters who hurled the abuse instead. I seem to remember faggot poofter freak and pervert and how dare I bring that shit home. The next thing I remember was waking up in hospital a day later. When they visited I was told that I was to forget all the pervert stuff or I would be back in the hospital on a regular trip. I was forced by them to only take short trips to sea and they had burnt my wardrobe and toys. By the time I was 19 I was married and out of their clutches. But sadly when I tried to dress when my wife was at work I started to shake and burst into tears, I couldnt do it, and even now 40+ yrs later I still get flashbacks. I set about being str8 for 30yrs. But 14yrs ago my marriage was on the rocks and I got into the BDSM scene. It wasnt until I was pegged that those feelings came flooding back. You would think that I would continue on the old lifestyle but Id been "str8" all that time and my mind had been I guess for want of a better word, reconditioned because in 2019 I got married again. But it didnt work and we split in October last year. Sadly I still cant bring myself to dress but I will overcome the voice in my head that still fills me with terror.
Will update this as time goes on. 😜❤😜
Can no longer take the top role, Diabetes has taken its toll,
Marcie xxxxx
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Mmmm do I ever
Interests:
Cross-dressing, Fetish clothing, Rubber, Pvc, Boots, Stockings / Suspenders, Sex, Online chat, Office wear, Lingerie, Watching porn, Groups, Couples, Panties, Goth wear, Hair accessories, Email chat, Wigs, Erotic nights in, Leather Skirt/Dress, Admirers / men, Other TGirls, Full Makeup, I am Sub, In the Closet, High Heels, Daytimes, Evenings, Weekends, Can Travel, Trendy/Modern club wear, BDSM / Bondage, Swim/Beach wear, Toys, Mature, Role Play, Uniforms, Inexperienced, Micro/Mini skirts, Gloves, Outdoor Fun, Pubs, Satin/Silk, I am a non-smoker, Furs, Relationship (casual), Relationship (serious), Females, Single/Unattached, Friendship, Movies / Cinema, Good Food / Wine, Music Festivals / Gigs, Holidays / Travel, Sporting Events, Mature Admirers / Men, I have Piercings, Dresses, Skirts, Foot Fetish, Vintage, I am Bottom
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