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Petra_Susan
Out being the woman I am
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Profile:
Pre-op Transsexual
Favorite Look:
Classy / Stylish
Bio Bit updated 17/12
I'm a 45, class myself as trans-gender/transsexual, and a F64.0 classification by the Psychologist many moons ago, but I couldn't go a head with my desires to fully transition, due to other arising medical problems, i.e. a pulmonary embolism followed shortly after by a heart attack, Now after 9 years I'm going back to be re-assessed. This is a second time around I'm being a lot more careful with my health, not that I wasn't the first. I now have two full diagnosis again and I'm currently awaiting surgery with Phil Thomas sometime in June 2012 after putting it off from February
I try to dress to blend in and to my age, classical dressing, skirts & blouses, nothing too slutty or trashy, but 95% of the time I just blend in and wear what a regular woman would wear, jeans and t-shirts and usually denunde of make-up. But I do like to dress more feminine when out for a night and love dresses, and have quite a collection from Next, Karen Millen, Monsoon & Coast.
I've been told I look good and I know I look better in person than the camera shows, cheap make-up, can't afford expensive stuff, the camera sees right through it. I know I have come on a long way in the 3 years that I've been full time for the second time, and look an awful lot better than I did. I am slowly buying better quality and it doesn't half show. I can pass down the streets without getting anybody staring or any comments, so I think I must be doing something right, and everybody addresses me as Miss or madam without even having to think about it.
Professional voice therapy once a month for 6 months, in 2010, has helped a lot in making it possible to talk to people and not give myself away too much. I'm not truly happy still with my voice, and probably never will be, but practice makes perfect and I've come to terms with how I sound and the fact that it doesn't make as much difference to how people perceive me as once thought. My fiancé doesn't really like it as he is used to my older voice and says I sound too squeaky now and so tend to use a slightly modified version of my old voice.
I have two blue eyes that work, although the aid of glasses for certain activities is required. Light brown, highlighted, shoulder length hair, which I am in the process of growing longer so that it can be more versatile, still haven't settled on a final style that I think suits my face. I have a fairish complexion and had complete facial and body laser hair removal so have very little beard shadow these days, and just fair vellus body hair. Alas it left me with a lot of grey beard which needs to be finished off with electrolyisis, but it's a slow and painful exercise, not to mention costly. I hate also having to have 5 days growth in the spots they going to do. I look like a yeti, and feel even worse, but it is good that I still get called madam and miss even with 4 days beard growth.Not sure if they just being polite or not.. I need somebody to invent a quick and painless way to get rid of grey hairs permanently.
I'm around 5'5" tall in my bare feet and around 5'7" shod, I don't do vertiginous heels. I weigh 67 Kg, after being told by my GP that 50Kg was too skinny, So I have put on a little weight over the past 3 years but think have gone a little too much and is looking to get back to about 60kg as I have a bit of a tum now and in the wrong dress can look a little pregnant, For those who think it is important, I have a genuine 36/30/36B figure with no silicon or padding, having been on hormones for over 3 years in total I don't think my body shape will change much more and am more than happy with what I've got. I take a dress size 12/14 depending on the manufacture and a skirt/trouser size around a 12 but if lucky can get into an 10.
I don't smoke and only drink a little, I don’t go out clubbing or raving much, I'm not really a great party girl, and quite introverted, although living full time and making the freinds I have so far, has helped me get out more in the past 18 months than I had done in the past 18 years. I much prefer just to be in with a couple of other people or just as a couple, that way I can give all my attention and focus to those couple of people. I'm not a late night girl and tend to be home and in tucked up in bed for 1 a.m. so you wont find me dancing away in Naps or New Union until 4 in the morning. I don’t do drugs of any type, be they illegal or the so called legal high drugs, and don't really want to associate with anybody who does participate in taking them.
Impatient can be my middle name at times, mainly with myself and my own deficiencies, as I try to be a bit of a perfectionist at times. I don’t suffer fools gladly and I dislike ignorant people immensely. I am loyal and trustworthy person and I always keep my promises, I don’t like to let people down, and I don’t like people who let me down. I don't make friends easily, but when I do the tend to be quite intimate and long lasting. It's mainly because I open my mouth before engaging my brain and tend to be too blunt and say things I shouldn't and nearly always destroy any budding relationship. I'm a pretty self destructive person when it comes to relationships. But I'm slowly learning to be better at them, and now have a couple of good friends, one of whom means more than anything in the world to me.
I like to ramble, not great big route marches just little 5-6 mile ambles, I love historic buildings, National trust, English Heritage that sort of thing. I try to plan holidays these days around visiting the places. I like to read, diverse variety of books in my library. I love music, a very catholic taste, that ranges from the heaviest of heavy metal, to the sweetest of Schubert’s Lieder. I tend to veer away from most the modern stuff that is around, you won’t catch me listening to drum & bass.
I used to love exercise, cycling especially, but an injury to my lower back, put pay to any serious cycling and running I used to do, hence the bit of a belly I have now. Now I settle for watching cycling on the tv, as well as other sports such as winter events and cricket. I tried to get into swimming, but it was more like drowning, so now I'm a pretty much a lazy girl.
I also like photography, although I'm not very good at it and don't claim to be. Love to photograph buildings/Landscapes rather than people. Some examples can be seen on my Flickr pages , Please feel free to leave constructive comments. Also have started to keep a blog elsewhere, to keep this page down in length, hopefully!! Didn't work last time as it's grown again. Blog is here
Anyhow want to know more then please ask. I would love to hear from you all via mail, chat and hopefully
face to face. Please note though that I'm in NO way looking for any type of sexual relationship, but I am still looking to extend my circle of friends and go out with people.
All bar two of the photos are raw and totally none photo-shopped or posed in a studio, or professional make-overs. Don't just view or add as an admirer, mail me, I tend to answer all e-mails
Blog Bit
11/05/2012
Last genital electrolysis session today, so any hairs that grow between now and my operation in 4 weeks time will have to stay, but as we've been playing hunt the hair for the past three weeks I'm pretty confident that any that will grow will be fine vellus hair that Nat could remove any how. They really should give better instructions when having hair removal as Mr Thomas was pretty vague when I saw him back in September. I's come to the conclusion that it is impossible to be completely hair free down below as you'd be doing it for many years and even then the fine vellus hair couldn't be removed properly. In a strange way I'm going to miss having my genitalia pulled, pushed and poked.
Still a long way to go on the facial version, but I can see pronounced bald spots especially on my chin. a couple of free laser treatments have help me lose quite a bit of darkness around my muzzle. In one session I've seen more improvement than I did in five IPL treatments from a crappy salon in Manchester.
After being invited for a breast augmentation, I've carried out a little experiment over the past couple of weeks. I have pretty nice natural 34b breasts, but though I'd artificial augment them with some silicon boobs I had before and the boost me to a generous C cup. I've noticed that I get a few more stares, especially from the men and definitely notice a more bounce from them which is quite appealing, but I do look a little top heavy and a little awkward, so I'll be staying with my natural as I think they suit me better.
Bought myself a new Telly, today. A Sony Bravia with freeview HD and smart technology to connect to the internet wireslessly. It's the first television I've own for ages, having not really been interested in it both or being able to watch anything I've wanted to on catch up t.v. As I'm going to be laid up soon after my operation for a few weeks, to stop me crawling up the walls I thought a nice big telly to watch may help me a little bit.
04/05/2012
Was playing hunt the hair today at electrolysis. There are some hairs there but most are so fine that Natalie cannot get the needle into the follicle or get hold of them with the tweezers. She assured me that they would not cause a problem when it comes to surgery. 34 sessions now under my belt, last one next week, I'm going to miss my weekly trips along the M62, but I like Nat so much that even though it's an 80 mile round trip I'm going to continue using her for my face once I get back up and running so to speak. I can get a good deal with them if i block book sessions that it offsets the cost of the petrol.
28/04/2012
Went out for a meal yesterday at Harvey Nichols in Manchester, Was very disappointed with both the service and quality of the food. The starter was very poor, extremely lacking in presentation and quality. The main course was if anything even worse, basically a lump of tinned salmon dumped onto a bowl as cheap green leaves. The only saving grace was the desert, and even then the mousse was a little on the heavy side.
24/04/2012
Got written confirmation of my surgery date today for the 12th June, so the countdown begins, not that it hadn't already, so 10 days in sunny Brighton, not that I'll see much of it . Hopefully everything is in place, and I can rely on my external support structure, David. I'm very hair free this time so I can't see anything to stop it this time around.
Also got an invite to go for a consultation for breast augmentation. I said no as I don't want it and can't afford it. Now I wonder how they got details of my forthcoming Op. I think my medical notes have been passed around a little too much. I shall be having words as surely they not allowed to pass my details to another surgeon, especially when they already know I wasn't having breast augmentation as my PCT will not pay for it.
23/04/2012
Chatting to my boss at work and he has officially "promoted" me to assistant manager to run the department in his absence, no more money but it is recognition of the work I do there. Say he will really miss me when I go for surgery, and if the contract is still running at RBS, he definitely wants me back there after it. So that has quashed a few job security nerves. With the workload that we are doing at present, They asking us to work Saturday & Sunday I think there will still be work there In August. So much for a 6 month contract. This week represents the end of my first 7 months. The time has flown by as I really enjoy working there and the atmosphere is wonderfully relaxed and informal, and people treat me with dignity and respect, unlike my last place.
I know I didn't like being made redundant, but in hindsight it's the best thing to happen to me job wise, because I'd still be there in a Job I'd grown to hate and with people who could not get to grips with my gender identity, and didn't want to associate themselves with me. Great night out with a group of people from the bank a few weeks ago something I would never have dreamt doing at my last place of work. Good fun with the LGBT network there. Amanda, Becky, Michelle and I were crown LGBT network interbank quiz champions after a resounding victory
Progress on hair removal is still a work in progress although I can see a great improvement. Natalie is a wonderful girl doing it and does the full 30 minutes unlike Chole. I think I'm pretty much clear now in the area, and the last three session will be just tidying up stray hairs that have so far escaped.
All in all I'm still in a very good place at the moment, long may it continue.
Forgot to say that also I'm being paid over twice as much as well.
11/03/2012
Not a lot happening in my life at the moment, just counting down the days to surgery, well it is still weeks but I can be positive. I'm getting a bit panicky that I may not be hair free down below in time and there is not a lot I can do about it really. I've been having hair removal over a year now and t is a cause for concern that I've still got quite a bit still to get rid off. At what point do I say enough is enough. After all ingrowing hair is a big concern for me, as I know hair can be dormant for a long time before it starts to grow. I know from my facial hair, that mine is pretty tenacious stuff after my initial treatments over 8 years ago, I still have bouts of lots of dark hair growth that springs from nowhere and without warning, even 4 years of hormone treatment hasn't lowered my hair growth.
Had a superb meal out yesterday with David. Best meal I've had out in a good couple of years. I spoiled it a little by having two glasses of wine when I know I can't handle my drink. Also my feet were killing me so wasn't in the mood to go clubbing afterwards and I know David really felt like it.
16/02/2012
Well I have a new date for my surgery in Brighton. Not saying just when yet as waiting for written confirmation. But had a nice chat with Liz there and went through the procedure and time frame for stopping my various medications and start to get my hospital bag ready and the things I'll need for my stay there. I should have already had it as my original date was for this week. Oh well in less than 20 weeks time I'll be able to swap from pre to post op on my profile.
In the meantime I'm in quite a bit of discomfort having done some damage to my back. On Tuesday I was doubled over in agony and took a good 20 minutes for me to be able to move after a coughing fit caused me to injury my back again. No where near as bad as a few years ago when I was taken from work screaming in agony after pro-lapsing two discs in my lower spine. Is just getting properly mobile, but still in considerable discomfort, especially lying down. Slept almost stood up last Tuesday night.
Thanks to those people who sent me valentines cards. I'm sorry but even with the hints I have no idea who you may be so if you want to identify yourselves I'd be grateful. I know one wasn't from my fiancée
22/01/2012
Just had a great night out at friends curry and a WII tournament good fun and laughs.
I fixed my car, stuff what the garage said about wanting a new cluster. I got the socket set out and fixed it with a £1 roll of insulation tape.
06/01/2012
Had my second proper genital laser hair removal session, was a bit mor painful as she had upped the machine a little bit and defininatly felt it especially closer to the anal tract. Showed I still have a few dark hairs knocking around, but after my first one it seems a lot clearer and a distinct removal of dark hair is happening now. Also had a good facial electrolysis session and got a lot more hair removed than expected as they were coming out so easily she lowered the duration the needle stayed in to 3 seconds.
Car has broken also, back lights not working properly and need fixing, £200 for a new cluster.
31/12/2011
Well I'm glad this year is over with. It's been a very traumatic year for me, full of highs, but littered with a lot more lows.
I've been made redundant from I job that I'd done for the past 16 years and the upset that causes. Spent way to long, over 8 months unemployed and hated every minute of it. Separated from the man I love and am now single again, Yesterday would have been our 2nd anniversary of being together. I've had to postpone surgery due to bad hair removal treatments.
On the plus side I was legally recognised as female. I've got a new, if temporary, job were people just take me as Petra with no baggage, unlike my last place where I transitioned. David and I are still together as a couple just about although I think any chance of a wedding is off. I've still got surgery planned for 2012
Roll on 2012
26/12/2011
well that's another boring x-mas over with. spent on my own again. What a come down from last year spent with David's family. New year too look forwards, will be out around Blackpool more than likely just like the last 2 years. At least it takes my mind off more distressing elements of my life at this time of year.
22/12/2011
Second Facial ipl session, she upped the machine to 15 joules, which still seems very low for me as once again i hardly felt a thing, but the machine she said only went up to 18 joules. I'm not over happy with the service. It was a different women doing my treatment, and she had no notes as to my previous treatment and the facial areas I had had done, which seemed rather un-professional to me. I was wrong earlier about it working on my face as it seemed just as dark as ever.
18/12/2011
Well two nice nights out on the trot. A lovely night out with our usual suspects group at the Fox Cub inn. Company was great and had nice conversation. Food was ok, nothing spectacular, although the soup was quite nice and the apple pie and custard was very good, which redeemed an awful main course in which my salmon was overcooked and the veg undercooked. Yesterday went to football match for the first time in over 20 years, but in the corporate hospitality suite. Food was superb a really nice three course meal, the chocolate brownie and vanilla cream to round off the meal was brilliant. The match wasn't so great as Blackburn lost. In the evening went out with Christina and friends into Manchester and was out until about 4 dancing away, which has been rarity for me over this year as there have been a distinct lack of great nights out.
10/12/2011
Alas my genital hair colour is a big hindrance as it doesn't seem to react to laser at all. I would have expected to see a little reduction after my first session two weeks ago, but nothing, which probably means it will all have to go via electrolysis and means I'll probably exceed the 20 electrolysis session booked. although I expect the 10 laser sessions won't be needed so can use that funding to fund another 20. Alas wil put sugery back even further now as it is far slow process. I've got another session booked at the beginning of January for laser so will see then if a higher level if it has any effect. I'm not hopeful that it will
On a more positive note I seemed wrong about the ipl on my face, there seems to be a distinct reduction in the dark hairs on my top lip, alas no where else. Seems strange that laser worked so perfectly on my face but doesn't on my genitals, I would assume that they would be similarly pigmented.
I was right about work getting a little mundane, been doing the same thing now for four weeks. Not sure I do fit in all that well to be honest, the atmosphere seems a little to relaxed for me and most of the employees are half my age and act even younger with a poor attitude to work ethics. Hopefully it should get better as they getting 3 new managers in after X-mas to replace the two now there, and it sounds like they are going to implement the KPI's that seemed to be in place initially. Hopefully action will be taken against those who can't maintain standards as I'm a little fed up of the guy opposite me falling asleep half way through the night. as it doesn't seem to be yet even though I've told the team manager twice about it. Wished I'd know about the jobs as I didn't see them advertised, I think I could have gotten one of them after all I managed a production line for 16 years with tight targets.
27/11/2011
Very annoyed at my current GHR clinic. It turns out that they had authorisation to carry out laser GHR since I started electrolysis back in September. as the initial application had been for 10 session of laser and 20 session of electrolysis. If I'd have know then I could have started laser straight away and would have been an extra 2/3 dark hair removal sessions which would have meant I would have been clear enough of hair to have my Operation at the appointed time instead of having to postpone it until an undecided time. At least it has saved me about £400, but I'm still very angry especially at the clinician for not checking what had been applied for. All I got was a letter saying that hair removal had been approved. As I thought it was only electrolysis then I assumed that is only what had been applied for as I already had laser in place at another clinic.
Now however I hope everything is sorted and I had my first laser session, using a proper laser rather than IPL. It was a very pleasant, almost painless experience and Chole did a very expert job clearing a much bigger area I expected, was reminiscent of having my face done all those years ago. Hopefully will see the results in a couple of weeks.
Don't ever go to Bolton Laserase the Dr. there burnt me three times, told me I was more or less clear of dark hair after 5 sessions when in fact I still have as much hair as when I started 8 months ago, caused me immense pain each time and used a shitty IPL machine, that I don't think he knew how to use. He had very little experience of GHR by his own admission. I blame him for my delays, but not sure what action I can take, other than publicise it hear and on other websites what a waste of space he is.
All in all my GHR has been the most unpleasant experience in terms of clinic, PCT mix up and hate to say it but Leeds Gender clinic letters to my PCT caused a great deal of misleading and confusion.
This week I also had my first IPL hair removal session after booking a few to get rid of my dark hair that has reappeared over the past 4 years since my last session. Was totally painless episode, and probably a complete waste of time. mainly because I think she had the machine set way too low. I told her that I'd already had 8 previous session of laser over the past 8 years or so, but she still set the machine at a ridiculously low fluence level. She did seem quite professional and very friendly, but she needs to up the joules on the machine for it to be effective the next time.
19/11/2011
Well I've got private and decided to fund my own laser genital hair removal and fit into my electrolysis sessions as I'm fed up of waiting for the PCT to make a decision. If it was up to them I'd be waiting another year for surgery. So I have to be proactive. The more electrolysis I have the more desperate I seem to be to alter my genitalia to the fit my body image I have of myself. I never really felt like that until I stated 3 months ago. Not even when I went to see Mr Thomas was I that bothered about SRS, strange that that may seem, Surgery will now take place around about May time I'm hoping. I honestly never expected it to happen in February, even though MR Thomas was ready and could do it, I never thought I would be. Whilst I was upset at postponing it, I know it was the sensible option to do.
Electrolysis went without a hitch again yesterday, very little discomfort, and very few little grey hairs to remove still. I had my test for laser (again) and all was fine, at least this clinic uses a proper laser rather than an IPL machine. Didn't really feel any thing, perhaps when it comes to my session next week will ask her to turn the machine up a notch or two.
11/11/2011
Work is going really well, fitting in nicely and get used to all the staff and gaining more confidence as time goes by. Is so nice to know that nobody is going to call me by my old name and to be accepted by everybody as just one of the women there. They even noticed straight away that I'd had my hair cut and restyled and all commented on it how good it looked, something my fiancée failed to notice even after being with him for 4 hours.
Have had chats with him since moved out and re-assured me that we still going to be together as a couple even though we now live apart, so I don't need to start "advertising" for a new partner, which is nice to know. Also has spent a few weekends together which put pay to my theory that he wouldn't be staying overnight again. So that has boosted my happiness rating significantly.
I'm trying with my PCT to move providers for my laser treatment, as I think the person doing it now is a total waste of time. I've had 7 genital hair removal session with him, each very painful and three times been burnt and I see very little in the way of hair removal actually taking place. Alas as usual they are dragging their heels about it and so that has come to a halt. Is serious thinking about self funding it myself, as I've had to postpone my planned surgery date from February to an unknown time as I don't think I'll be sufficiently hair free by 17th of Feb. I've waited 20+ years a few more months won't harm and better to be safe than sorry.
On a positive hair removal note, after a weeks rest my GHR electrolysis was virtually pain free today and had a really good session, if anything my facial was more painful. I can see definite improvements with the regards to that too even after only 6 sessions, my chin is getting very clear. I'm giving facial a two weeks rest as I've got a laser top up session to get rid of the increasing number of black hairs next week so don't want any scabby skin around. however I was very annoyed that she ended my ghr after only 10
minutes of treatment and said that only 15 minutes had been booked, when it should have been 30 minutes. I'm that annoyed that I'm going to raise it with the manager. She can't decide that it's only a 15 minute session when I've paid for 30.All the others have been booked for 30 minutes, even when going badly. I was hoping to make up for some lost time this week. The more I think about it the angrier I'm getting.especially as I've postponed my surgery because of the slow progress.
05/11/2011
Well I went to pick up my new glasses today. The optician said I'd be best with these vari-focals when I had my eyes tested a few weeks back. Absolutely not, I couldn't see out of them properly, half my field of vision was totally blurred and was told the only way I could see is if I kept my eyes forwards to look through the distance part of them and move down to read. What point is having movable eyes if I had to move my head all the time rather than just my eyeball. I said I wanted my money back straight away. There was no way I was effectively losing half my vision. I'll stick to just distance glasses which is what I need the most.
Interests:
Shopping, Stockings / Suspenders, Office wear, Lingerie, Other TGirls, Full Makeup, I am Sub, Convincing, High Heels, Daytimes, Evenings, Weekends, Can Travel, BDSM / Bondage, Experienced, Satin/Silk, I am a non-smoker, Females, Attached, Friendship, Photography, Art Exhibitions, Museums, Movies / Cinema, Good Food / Wine, Holidays / Travel, Historic Places / Architecture, Dresses, Skirts, Casual Tops, Smart Tops, Books & Literature, Theatre
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