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Transgender
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*Intro*
Thank you so much for the lovely birthday messages! xxx
Non socially transitioning. Let’s get that out of the way first since I often get asked how long I’ve been on hormones; finasteride (now dutasteride) since May 2025, and... something else (micro/low) to help me soften further... watch this space: not fully transitioning but not dying cis either. I'm definitely trans; I might not have had the full big bang moment, but I realise that don’t really feel very connected to being male, except the things in my life related to him: wife/family/job/etc, but I don’t feel female either. If I had a choice I’d have been born female because that would be my presentational preference. But I wasn’t. Living as guy me. Married, kids. Told my wife. She doesn’t want the kids to know yet. She’s not very supportive but hey she is still here. It’s been difficult though; I’ve destroyed her mental image of me.
I know not everyone can, and I speak from a position of privilege, but if you're able, please support this site financially for everyone's benefit.
*Mar 2026*
LFF first time ever. Not for long. The wife was sending grumpy messages saying things like "I know where you are". So yay me.
*Feb 2026*
I should write a long emotional update. But for reasons of time right now, the quick version is, I had my first day out in the world. From dawn to dusk, just being Gemma. New profile picture from that day (guess where?!). It was a lovely lovely day, no nasty people and some really supportive ones. Had a foundation match and then base done at a makeup counter in John Lewis and that was so helpful and affirming. And dinner out too. Genuinely thought provoking. Hoping to repeat the exercise as soon as I can.
*Dec 2025*
No real update. Still stuck. Moved on to dutasteride to kill off more DHT. Just cut my hair which I'm regretting. Need to hunker down and plan out what 2026 is going to be for me.....
*sept 2025*
Outside again at last. Long time coming, nearly two years. Only went for a couple of relatively short walks in Leeds town centre, but on a busy Friday night so lots of people about but almost entirely positive vibes.
* August 2025 *
Back from holiday. Lots of gender feelings last week as I had the time and space to think about something other than work. I thought I was getting somewhere with the wife too, but on returning to the UK, and home, she seems to have gone backwards....
Cannot wait until Sept/Oct when I will make some progress to being more Gemma again
*July 2025*
Had therapy as Gemma. Interesting.
*June 2025*
More deep conversations with her. She's not in a good space. She's trying to be supportive but she genuinely doesn't like having this in her life. She's annoyingly perceptive. She said the other day I would be on low dose hormones if I was single, and I had to admit I'd considered it - not fully feminising dosage though.
Really wondering what I actually want. I've told her several things I need to do, and I'm not doing them. Am I just a fantasist? It's not easy because every time I do something more open at home it comes with a backlash.
I've been connected with a potential therapist and am arranging an intro call next week.
*May 2025*
We’ve just had the talk. Again. Nothing new really but it’s hard to take over it all again. Exhausting.
I need to be both. I can’t just be a guy. I don’t think I want to transition. Literally went through it all again. It did give me the opportunity to repeat my needs.
I even told her I started finasteride a fortnight ago. Which I hadn’t managed to pluck up the courage to do.
I hate these conversations. They make me feel like a criminal. But they do need to happen to clear the air.
She wants me in therapy. From her pov with someone who persuades neurodivergent people they aren’t trans. From my pov someone who understands both identity and neurodiversity and can help me understand myself better.
Update: she just bought me women’s pyjamas. I said I wanted some and I guess it gave her control over what I got. But still, surprised and impressed by this woman once again. Waiting for the angry fall out this weekend still though.
*Pre now*
I’ll put some of my backstory back up. I’ve written a lot previously. A lot! Some people have said that reading my journey was helpful so I’ll try to put some of it back up. I delete it when I’m feeling down about all this and it seems like an impossible dream to be me. Short version: thought I was a cross dresser since I was old enough to think in those terms but I’ve dressed since I was born and I was being an idiot. My egg finally cracked last February and while I’d hidden being a dresser, I told my wife of my gender confusion immediately. She wishes I hadn’t.
Thanks to everyone on here who's shown me love and support.
——-
To satisfy the profile rules: 6’ tall, brunette, green eyes, a bit overweight but perpetually working on it…
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