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Dreaming to be me :)

Last Visited:     09 March, 2018
Registered:     06 June, 2008
Location:     Lisboa, Portugal



Favorite Look:
Classy / Stylish

Crossdressing for me was a strange experience of my own self, my desires, and my dreams. Unlike many TVs and TGs, I came to crossdressing quite late — I actively suppressed it for most of my life — at a moment where I was between girlfriends. This was in the mid-1990s, a time when most women I met were sloppy and casual on their dressing. Hair was worn short (or, if long, unbrushed), and a top or T-shirt plus a pair of jeans and some tennis shoes were "an outfit", for daily use, or even for going out for dinner or a bar.

I was mildly frustrated. In my mental image of how a woman should look like, I had the glamorous images of the 1940s-1960s in mind — women dressed elegantly, they had style, they used incredibly sexy underwear, and they wore high heels. They also knew how to move and how to apply makeup. Well, except for actresses and television anchors, those women were seriously lacking around me. Nobody bothered to dress up any more. I usually got as a way of an explanation that "it takes too much time" or that "the natural look was fashionable".

Well, I disagreed. So one day, trembling with excitement, while living for a month at a (female) cousin's apartment, I put on some of her clothes. The results, as you might expect, were impossibly horrible — but there was something in my mind that went "click". I could definitely improve that! It wasn't *so* hard! I just needed clothes that fit and some practice...

Like several crossdressers that started late in their lives, I was also scared about what I would discover about myself. Was I a repressed homossexual? But then why did I absolutely adore women and hated guys? In fact, I even have a mild homophobia; being around naked guys (eg. in bathrooms after sports) was always repulsive to me. So why did I feel the urge to look like a woman, if I positively had no interest in males or the male body? In fact, my own male body was something I never liked — much less anyone else's male body.

So I started to read quite a lot of what was available on the Internet. Fortunately, even in the pre-Google days, I managed to find several links that explained to me what crossdressing is all about, and the several variations that exist. It was clear that I had absolutely no interest in changing my own sex, and thus wasn't a transsexual. I wasn't attracted to males, even when crossdressed, so that ruled transvestism or similar fetichisms where one dresses up as a woman to get sexual favours from men. I was simply a closet crossdresser, a narcisist that likes women and what they're allowed to wear, and wished to look as feminine as any other woman — but only to myself. In a sense, I was aiming to become the very image of what I liked most to see in a woman.

Also, like several crossdressers, I started to explore several styles, first with the slutty, glamorous, going-out-for-an-evening look. It appealed to me for quite a while, but something always bothered me: I would never "pass" looking like that. And, well, if you dress like a slut, you get treated like one. This wasn't exactly my projected image. Marilyn Monroe can look sexy, elegant, attractive, and immensely erotic without being slutty; that was quite harder to get than I thought.

Over time I've been more and more critical of my own image. For years I struggled with a look that could be passable, and turned to more casual clothing and elegant evening dresses instead of a more "slutty" look. In fact, these days I prefer to keep the very sexy lingerie under a casual/classic style — I know it's there, I can feel the silky touch of my undies and the backseamed stockings; I might even have a very revealing bra showing my silicone breasts in all their splendour, but... on the outside, I might just look casual. That was quite more exciting, and also challenging. Like applying makeup that takes me two hours to do properly, but, in the end, you barely notice I'm wearing it — it was quite hard to get to that point (and I'm still working on it)!

Currently I'm part of a loose group of Portuguese crossdressers who go out a *lot*; 2-3 times per week is usual for us. We tend to go to places that are not necessarily listed as LGBT-friendly, but talk to the owners first before 'making an appearance'. In all cases, so far, we have met with open-mindedness and tolerance. Of course, every once in a while we also go to LGBT-friendly bars, and we tend to go to all restaurants in Lisbon's LGBT quarter, where we are totally accepted. But we wish to spread out more and more to 'regular' places and mix with the general public; in fact, our group also includes a few heterosexual married couples — none of which are crossdressers — who just 'gang up' with the rest of us for pure fun. Wives and genetic girlfriends sometimes come with us as well.

For all of you reading this bit so far (hey, TVChix encourages *long* profiles!), if you're just looking for sexual partners, I'm out of it :) I'm really not interested — sex is actually quite low on all my priorities. For decades I have had a very low libido, and after starting my current medication, it dropped to zero completely. In a sense, it's a relief; one less thing to worry about!

On the other hand, I simply delight in exchanging tips, ideas, fashion advice, and all sort of stories about your experiences, as well as any subject you like to talk to me about. I can discuss with equal pleasure obscure book references or the latest Rammstein album; politics, economy, or the last spring's fashion; and it's very hard to bore me with excruciating detail about your line of work, because, more likely than not, I'll be very happy to learn more — I'm an eager learner and a good listener!

As for my appearance... beyond the casual/elegant look, which I've described in detail, I'm about 1.78m tall (that's 5"10 for the US crowd ;) ), with a natural fair hair (the wig is a shade of red deeper than my natural colour, although it looks darker on the pictures), I have blue/green eyes, and weigh far too much to be embarrassed about it. No, I'm not skinny and haven't got a nice figure; I definitely need a corset to have something approaching a "shape" :) Also, I positively hate my nose, but have been blessed with full lips (an embarrassment when I was younger...) and nice, longer-than usual eyelashes — I don't really need "falsies" to be happy with the results.

You can read a bit more about me and my experiences at my own website. Oh, yes, and I've got lots of pictures and videos there, too ;)

Interests: Cross-dressing, Shopping, Stockings / Suspenders, Online chat, Lingerie, Dressed nights out, Panties, Email chat, Wigs, Other TGirls, Full Makeup, High Heels, Will not meet (yet!), Inexperienced, Corsets, Satin/Silk, Smoking Fetish, I am a smoker, Females, Attached, Friendship, Computer related help/advice, Dresses, Books & Literature

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