You have private notes attached to this profile:
(These are visible to you only)
Profile:
Trans woman
Favorite Look:
Classy / Stylish
I'm too busy to rewrite my description at the moment, but would like to point out that I have written it a while ago, back in early 2022, and is now seriously outdated. I left it as it was, but with brief updates before. I have also added a picture where I show my face, that's now my default picture.
The main differences are:
I now live in Reading, am free and single (divorced), out and proud, belonging to a local trans community which is (like) a family.
I no longer want to be referred to as "man".
For a while my hair has been long enough so I no longer wear wigs.
I have started hormone treatment months ago and am visibly growing boobs.
-------
May 2022 I confessed to my wife. That went down surprisingly well at first, but it caused problems. She made me come out to my parents, which I did during a video call with them while attending Surrey Swans. They were disappointed.
June 2022 I visited my parents in Slovenia, but kept my feminine side mostly under the lid. I was always in male mode outdoors. Well, except at the sea, when my niece put on my t-shirt, so I wore her cami.
July 2022 I got a job, a step towards my independence. I sensed that a break-up was imminent, and started considering where to relocate.
August 2022 we started a divorce (which is now long complete) and I was looking for a job so that I'd be able to relocate. I considered Reading and Southampton. With any job applications I was upfront that I'm a trans woman and that my (preferred) name is Talia.
September 2022 job interview in Reading, a day before Pride, which was my first ever Pride. Started end of September, but hadn't found a place to live, so I had to commute all the way from Byfleet to Reading. That month was also the first time I attended Totton Disco, the best trans party.
End of October 2022 found a place to live, and I moved on the last Sunday. Went from Byfleet to Ash, attended Surrey Swans, then went to my new home in Reading. That was the day I fully socially transitioned.
20th November 2022 — Transgender Day of Remembrance — which I didn't know until I stumbled upon the vigil that was about to start. Met the Reading trans community, and they welcomed me in. They are my family. For me they changed Reading from "a place, convenient for travelling, to stay and work and start over" to home.
December 2022 my first date as Talia, and my first heartbreak.
February 2023 the big purge: I visited a charity shop with a suitcases stuffed full of men's clothes, leaving with 2 empty suitcases.
End of May 2023 I carried a banner at Witney Pride. The next day I started dating an amazing person. That progressed into a relationship.
June 2023 I visited Slovenia for a big family celebration. Not hiding anymore, I came out to my extended family. Felt very accepted.
September 2023 started hormone treatment.
November 2023 the first TDoR vigil where I delivered a speech.
March 2024 my partner and I broke up but remained good friends.
------- My old description follows -------
Born in 1973 in Slovenia, I live in Surrey, England, I'm a non-op trans woman. I prefer to just say "woman" or "girl", sometimes "T-girl". I don't really mind what you call me. Before 2022 I was a man and wasn't at all keen on appearing girly, as far as clothes were concerned. Was that my masculinity's last stand? Perhaps...
My pictures are all headless because I'm a bit too shy to show my face here. I am white/Caucasian. I have a blonde bob wig. I have brown eyes and long eyelashes. I keep my facial hair shaved. I don't have any make-up yet. I've never shaved my body hair. My slightly hairy legs are smooth. I am reasonably fit and strong. I'm 178.5 cm / 5'10" tall and weigh between 77 and 80 kg. I believe I'm UK size 10–12 for dresses and 12 for skirts.
My interests section is a bit confusing:
Single and attached at the same time — I am married but — read bellow.
Wearing — I assumed I could only tick what I actually have and not what I would choose to buy and wear if I was free.
Interests — I assumed I needed to tick what I would be interested in doing in this context.
Hobbies / Activities — I only ticked what I actually do or have done regularly in the past. I would have more if I was free.
I love wearing girly clothes. Preferably ones with lots of buttons, but that's not as important as that they're pretty. Particularly dresses, but I'd also like to have blouses and skirts. I like nice lingerie, too. I'm not keen on high heels, but I'd like to have some flat nice and sexy girly shoes. I want to be dressed pretty all the time. I never want to have to wear trousers ever again. Except leggings if a skirt is not practical, but then I'd want to combine them with a miniskirt. I don't have much girly stuff at all at the moment.
I am married, but my wife is very controlling and intolerant. Needless to say, I have to keep the real inner me hidden. I only dress up in secret, in a way. I do dress up in public when out on my own. I sometimes wear my wife's things. I'm not sure my marriage will last though. We have frequent arguments, She sometimes appreciates me, but other times says that we have nothing in common, and why should we even stay together. She keeps noticing I'm hiding something. I'm uncomfortable about hiding and not being able to be myself. I just want to come out to her and if she throws me out, so be it. I'll probably be happier then.
In my secret world, mainly on Flickr, I went by nickname Martouf73 or simply Martouf (A Stargate SG-1 character + my year of birth), but I changed it because I am now a woman and my name is Talia.
I am an aspie. I am a nerd and a geek. I like maths and programming.
I like sci-fi and comedies, sometimes period dramas because of the nice clothes worn by women.
I like bike rides, I like nature. I like cats.
The way I picture my life in near future: I have hardly any male clothes left, I've done a massive purge as women's clothes cover most of my basic needs. As soon as I buy some more essentials, I'll donate all the rest to charity shops. I either have long hair now or if it has receded too much I keep it short and use wigs. I have my hair straight. I use make-up to make my face look feminine. I have banished my facial and body hair with regular use of IPL, which I now only have to use occasionally. I live on my own or hopefully in a relationship with another T-girl (open to polyamory as well). I try to always wear nice women's clothes, appropriate for occasion, and often I go shopping for more clothes. I frequently socialise with other T-girls, crossdressers, also admirers. I go on bike rides in nature on my Specialized Hotrock (or something similar, a quality ladies' pink mountain bike). Also walks in nature.
The rest of the description is a fairly detailed history about how I became Talia.
THE LESS RELEVANT PART OF MY HISTORY:
For as long as I remember, I had koumpounophobia — fear of buttons. I didn't like wearing them, I didn't like others wearing them, I didn't even like mentioning them or hinting about them. But later, as a pre-teen, I started getting curious. While being scared, I also knew buttons were harmless. (I'd never choked on small objects.) Knowledge didn't help at all. But out of curiosity I started browsing clothing catalogues and such. Once I got very excited while looking at pictures of buttoned clothes, couldn't stop myself from rubbing against the bed, my excitement grew to levels never experienced before, then, feeling high, I suddenly ended up "wetting" the bed, feeling a release, and I was confused about what had just happened. I loved the feelings that flooded me then, but I didn't understand what was going on. It was only later that I realised that that was my first orgasm. Well, first awake orgasm, I've had wet dreams prior to that, and those dreams featured buttons. I have repeated that many times since. I was sexually attracted to buttons, not knowing then that the word for it was fetish. If I wasn't feeling enough of a freak before (for fearing buttons) I certainly was after. How can anybody get a stiffy from buttons? So I wanted to wear something with buttons, but was too afraid to get near anything. Except in privacy of my bedroom, door locked and key left inside. I've secretly gathered some buttoned clothes that were lying about in the house. Also, I had more wardrobe space than needed so some of it was used for storing some old dresses. I enjoyed trying on those that had buttons and didn't care the least about any others. I just wanted to see, feel and handle buttons to get aroused and eventually cum. I didn't care whether it was men's or women's clothes, I just wanted buttons. As far as I was concerned, it was wrong for me (or any man) to wear women's clothes, so those who did were to me ridiculous. I guess that's similar to homophobic gays I saw in soap operas who don't want to admit they're gay. Though my attitude was simply: that's not normal, but leave them be. But I also though I was a freak.
Of course, in public (even in front of family members or anyone at all) I wouldn't go near buttons. I also wouldn't want to wear anything girly. But gradually I started wearing buttoned clothes. The button on jeans (with zip fly, of course) never bothered me for some reason. I started with a couple of polo shirts with ring poppers (so discrete enough) when I was 15. Other steps were real buttons on polos, button fly jeans, also henley pyjamas, a parka with a storm flap with metal poppers. Smooth shiny buttons with 2 holes were the scariest ones, but also the most attractive, and those I avoided for a very long time. In 2001 after I moved in with my English girlfriend, it was the first time I owned a shirt, with her encouragement. Later that year we got married, she's still my wife. My shirt had colour matched buttons, of course, baby steps...
A few years later, not sure exactly when, a relative was getting rid of some clothes. Among them was a purple shirt with delicate mother of pearl buttons with 2 holes!!! Levels above what I had dared until then. Fear flooded me, but also excitement, just looking at it gave me an instant boner. I managed to conquer my fear and that became my favourite shirt. This type of buttons are super rare on men's clothes but common on women's. So the shirt kind of resembles a blouse. But it's a men's shirt, and that's what mattered to me then.
Living in England, I (in secret) pursued my button fetish using online searches. That led me to Flickr and discovery that I wasn't the only "freak", that there were other with button fetish. I ended up getting a massive collection of faves with buttoned clothes. It was obvious that women's clothes were far more exciting. But I was keen to find men's clothes that were as exciting as possible. Unlike women's, men's polos and henleys almost always have 3 buttons. I wanted more, and a few do have more. I only ended up window shopping. Similar with shirts, 7 buttons as standard. Also, most buttons on men's clothes had 4 holes, while on women's clothes 2-hole buttons were very frequent. Positioning was also more playful on women's clothes. That's why I ended up looking mainly at women's clothes, but I was actively searching for men's clothes that were more exciting, after all, I was a man. I have in secret also "had sex with" buttoned clothes, mine and my wife's. In 2021 she decided to get rid of some clothes. Among them was a white blouse with delicate mother of pearl buttons. But it was quite a plain blouse, looking like a nice dressy shirt. I decided to put it on and show my wife that it didn't seem girly at all, and she was happy for me too keep it. She was always against the idea of me wearing or behaving girly and had let me know that many times. But I didn't want to wear girly things anyway. The only thing girly on that shirt was that buttons were on the left, and that was a minor detail, unnoticed by most, so I was happy about it. I do notice it, of course, also my wife pointed it out. Unfortunately, she later changed her mind, she wanted to keep her blouse and gave me a massive telling off for wanting to wear something girly. I told her that it didn't look girly, and she knew it was buttons I wanted it for, as she had caught me buying buttons. I said that no-one would notice that it wasn't men's shirt, but she said that she would know, and in the end I had to give it up.
MORE RELEVANT HISTORY
So I wasn't interested in women's clothes at all, except if they had buttons, for fetish, but I wouldn't want to actually wear anything girly, but I was brave enough to wear even the "scariest" buttons. Women's clothes that didn't appear women's were fine with me. In fact, there was something attractive to having buttons on the left, as to me (but maybe not to others) it drew more attention to those buttons, so they were more exciting. Also I warmed up to the idea of wearing dresses and blouses with lots of buttons, not in public, but possibly in company of someone like-minded. I started finding women's clothes with buttons much more exciting than men's. Must have been influenced by crossdressers I'd spoken to online. I didn't care at all about women's clothes without buttons. I just wanted to have male clothes with exciting buttons for everyday but secretly or in like-minded company (video call) I'd have some fun with women's clothes with buttons. Until that fateful day, 11th January 2022.
I became more curious. On that day, while my wife wasn't home, I tried on her longish black dress without buttons. I wanted to know how it feels without distractions of fetish wear (buttons), after so many men praised how comfortable skirts and dresses were. It felt nice. I liked the feeling. But nothing particularly exciting. It was an experiment, and that was it... or was it?
Well, unbeknown to me, something woke up in me. That something had been asleep for decades, and I wasn't aware of its presence. It started changing me. So subtly that I wasn't aware of it for a while. And before I knew, I started craving women's clothes, particularly dresses, skirts and blouses, buttons or no buttons. I had had a long video call to a complete stranger, in which I modelled dresses and blouses, and I enjoyed the praises and compliments, which added to my craving. This is my revelation from 21st February 2022: "I have a LUST for buttons, but I have LOVE for girly clothes." But if a piece of men's clothing had particularly interesting buttons, I'd prefer it to a piece of women's clothing without buttons. For example, I preferred my purple shirt with delicate mother of pearl buttons over a white blouse a single keyhole button at the back. I also wasn't bothered about lingerie and hosiery.
By then it was obvious that that something inside me was a girl! She was consuming me, bit by bit. I recognised myself less and less. My next revelation came to me on 7th March 2022. Buttons, although super exciting, now meant less to me than lovely girly clothes. I said in an online chat: "Now the gurl inside me took over completely, so instead of lust for buttons I now follow love for pretty girly clothes." If only I knew...
I did dress up for camera a few more times for captive audience. It was even more fun when we both dressed up and had a fashion show for each other. I was visiting my parents in Slovenia at the time and I was there for Shrove Tuesday / Mardi Gras (which was on 1st March 2022). The custom there is to wear fancy dress when out and about, in schools, at work... Not many follow it nowadays, but it was a good excuse. What helped was that my mum suggested I could dress up as a woman. I was also empowered by numerous accounts in online forums by many men who crossdressed in public and enjoy the normality of it. After a lot of dithering, when I finally chose a dress to wear, I was at first too nervous to show myself to my parents. Luckily I managed to overcome that, it was "just a costume" (yeah, right), and they praised me. My mum gave me some old nylons and a handbag. Time to go out! I was nervous, but I did visit some relatives nearby. One of them was my male cousin J, still living with his parents, same age as me, we used to hang out together a lot. Then another cousin of mine visited, C, female, living in Germany. It was nice to see her after so many years, but she was in a hurry. A few minutes later they were getting ready to go, the car was under J's balcony, so C introduced me to her family as J and me stood on the balcony. Germany doesn't observe the fancy dress custom, so she had to explain to her husband and children why I was in a dress, what kind of a day it was. Cousin J, being his usual jokey self, said: "He's always like that." If only he knew, haha.
Later that day we went to town, to a mall where we shopped and went to a restaurant. Crowds of people everywhere, it was thrilling, though I was nervous. But I also felt normal, it felt so right, I just wanted to wear girly clothes all the time. So when I was in my room on my own, that's what I did. In bed I wore an old nightie that my wife had kept there. Nice, girly and comfortable, it was a bliss.
I have considered coming out to my parents. They took some photos on the day, and I later asked them to make sure my wife DOES NOT see them. My parents were at first dismissive, what's the big deal, it's just a custom, but they did agree to be careful. They told me about bulky and hairy men getting dressed up as Pippi Longstockings and such, and that it's no big deal. And I said: "So it would only bother you if I wore it on other days?" "Of course it would bother us," was the answer that made me decide against fessing up.
Through my stay at my parents' house, I still had my sister's dresses in my room, so I had a great time trying them on, especially on the camera, usually to my Flickr friends who either just watched or did the same themselves. I loved the (at least virtual) company of like-minded people. But soon the holiday ended and it was time for me to go back home to my wife. The journey was my last chance for a while... So I sneaked a dress and a handbag with me...
After my parents dropped me at the airport, and I was on the other side of the security check, out of sight, I went to the first toilet, changed into a dress while thinking "What the h*** am I doing?" I put the nylons on as well, then I put the coat on and pulled the dress up as I was coming out of a men's toilet. Then I casually (nervously) walked and took my coat off, as I was approaching the passport control. The official was surprised when he saw my Slovene passport, as he though that it was the English who "do that sort of messing around". "Do you realise you are wearing a woman's dress?" No, I never noticed! What do you think? I didn't really respond to his question. He asked me if it was for a bet, and I just confirmed it as I was rather nervous then.
The rest of the journey was uneventful, at least regarding my style choice. At the gate, while boarding, I was told to fill some form, which delayed me so I was to last one to board. Walking through a plane full of passengers that were already sitting, fully exposed in my lovely dress and handbag... During the flight I even spoke a bit to the passenger next to me, who didn't show any sign of being shocked about what I was wearing. I loved the normality of it all. I was feeling like me.
I kept the dress on at the other airport and then the train journey home. It was only at the final station that I decided to go to the toilet and change back before walking home. No toilets! Very basic structure, my local station. I just did the changing in the corner then. I put the jeans on, then took the dress off, and the bra, while covering myself with the coat. Then I spotted I was in full view of a CCTV! Shock, nervousness... but also the thought that people monitoring the camera will at last have something interesting to watch. I put my shirt on, then I put my coat on properly, and, back in male mode I started walking off, glancing again at the camera. The dress up adventure was over, and I felt a bit sad about it as I walked home.
For 3 days I quarantined in a separate bedroom, so I was able to wear my dress some of the time. But that ended very quickly. However, since then I did go out on errands on my own, and I took the opportunity to sneak my dress into the car and change on the way. On the trip to the dump I saw a couple of men working there laughing, possibly at me, as one of them had just answered some questions to me. "Meh!" It was disappointing that staff members addressed me as "mate", but never mind. Next trip was to a nearby town for some official business. I had a head photo taken while wearing a dress, and it shows on my document. I better make sure my wife doesn't see it. That day a random woman coming out of a shop almost went out of her way to compliment me. I was in heaven! I had to go home, though, and change back into my boring male outfit on the way.
On 23rd March 2022 the next revelation came to me: I am not a crossdresser. I am a woman. I was shocked. I had changed so much in such a short time. The girl inside me had consumed almost all of what I used to be. Instead of being alarmed, this revelation brought me inner peace. Here is what I said in a chat:
"I think I'm a woman!
I've done some thinking today
Because I was confused about who or what I am...
And thinking of myself as a woman feels right...
It gives me peace.
I have male body. But I'm not a man. I'm not in-between. I'm not without gender...
I'm a woman.
I don't need a surgery or anything. I'm at peace with my body, too."
I feel no objection about using my male equipment for physical pleasure. I'm not offended if people say I'm not a woman but merely "a man in a dress". Technically I am. But I know the truth. The deep truth inside me.
I've been thinking about my name for a few days since. After all, I was a different person now and I should probably have a different name. I though of how the girl inside me was asleep for decades, with me completely unaware of her presence, and she only woke up on 11th January 2022, in my late 40s. Kind of like Sleeping Beauty, but it wasn't the kiss that woke her up, it was a lovely evening dress that she enjoyed. Aurora came to mind, the real name of Sleeping Beauty, so I thought. But, searching online a bit, I soon realised that that wasn't the case originally. It was Walt Disney that named her Aurora. I've found out that in an older version she was called Talia. I quite like the name. Also, it's not too fancy. So on 26th March I've finally made up my mind, and that's now my name. (Not on my official documents, but who cares.)
I am Talia.
Was this my final revelation? No, but this is about my journey of becoming a woman.
Interests:
Cross-dressing, Fetish clothing, Shopping, Boots, Stockings / Suspenders, Sex, Online chat, Office wear, Lingerie, Dressed nights out, Watching porn, Groups, Couples, Panties, Goth wear, Hair accessories, Erotic nights in, Other TGirls, High Heels, Daytimes, Evenings, Weekends, Can Accommodate, Can Travel, No Male Admirers Please!, Bridal/Wedding wear, Swim/Beach wear, Mature, Webcams / C2C, Role Play, Uniforms, Tights/Pantihose, Micro/Mini skirts, Gloves, Outdoor Fun, Pubs, Nightclubs, Satin/Silk, I am a non-smoker, Relationship (casual), Relationship (serious), Females, Single/Unattached, Friendship, Art Exhibitions, Museums, Movies / Cinema, Music Festivals / Gigs, Holidays / Travel, TV/TG Activism & Awareness, Historic Places / Architecture, DIY Help / Advice, Maid Service, Live-in Maid Service, Web Design, Computer related help/advice, Dresses, Skirts, Leggings, Playsuits, Knitwear, Casual Tops, Smart Tops, Books & Literature, Theatre, Can Accommodate (Overnight), Social Meets Only!, I am Versatile, I am Switch
Not yet joined the growing tvChix community?
Sign up now, and chat to thousands of pretty transvestites,
crossdressers, and T-Girls in your area, for FREE!
Site design and feature presentation is Copyright tvChix 2004-2024. tvChix is a registered trademark in the United Kingdom, European Union and United States.
