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Pre-op Transsexual
Favorite Look:
Goth Chick
"The universe will expand and then collapse in on itself and then it will expand again. It will repeat this process forever. When the universe expands again, everything will be as it is now. Whatever mistakes you make this time you will live through on your next pass. Every mistake you make you will live through again and again; forever. So my advice to you is to get it right this time around, because this time is all you have..." Spoken by my good friend PROT (from planet K-PAX)
97% fat-free, zero calorie and one of your five a-day, contains natural ingredients with nothing added or taken away - just 100% freshly squeezed Suzie. Bottled at source in Hertfordshire.
Warning: May contain (or make you) NUTS!
Me in a nutshell (or nutcase, perhaps...):
Dizzy brunette, slim size 10/12, 9 stone wet-through, convincing, girly and a pure new pleasure seeker. I'm baby bear's porridge, the one that's just right! A total exhibitionist with a kinky streak a mile long....
I adore being admired and am a real glamour puss, in fact I AM a cat! If you stroke my fur you'll hear me purrrrrr! I have more than one home, enjoy seafood and love to chase shiny things (mmm, shiny things!). Also have a wool-ball fetish but am fully house-trained.
I respond well to kindness, men bearing gifts and a warm basket. Oh, and cream too!
OK then, more about me, me, me....
I currently live a female existence 24/7 and this has been the case since April 23rd 2009. I told everyone and decided that if they kept in touch they were my friends and still would be. If they didn't then they weren't really my friends so why should I be bothered with them? I kept the same job which was weird but turned out OK - never had any time off, just turned up in a fetching brown skirt suit from Next, plonked my dainty derrier down at my desk and logged on! I warned them all first, of course, and a few photos were circulated round the company before the changeover. It was a good move and I can't believe I actually did it but now my colleagues struggle to remember what I used to look like and it's just business as usual now. I have very little post in my old name now and almost everything has been updated, even my driving licence and National Insurance card!
At the moment I'm being referred to Charing Cross GIU (Gender Identity Unit) where the journey really starts. Currently on no drugs, hormones or anything so can't wait to start making the transition in a more permanent way but I'm in no rush. I now know where I am, who I am, where I'm going and who I'm going to be.................. ME!
The profile below was written in 2008 when I was taking stock of my life - it's sad, funny, disturbing and humbling at the same time but all of it is true. Guess it all had to happen to get me where I am today and make me who I am. Please get in touch if I've struck a chord in any way and if I can help with anything, I will do, that's a promise.
The more serious stuff, my profile:
My name is Suzie and I've been a transvestite all my life. I've always been very shy and conscious of my nature which has caused many problems. I now want to express myself as who I really am and start living my life. Below is a brief outline of that life so far...
I was born an only child in the late 60s in the north of England. From a very early age I was fascinated by my mother's makeup and wardrobe and eventually took to experimentation. At the time it didn't seem odd to me so I took little precaution and got caught several times! It was drummed into me that this was not normal - this led to extreme secrecy, precaution and fear (of getting caught again!). This carried on and I gradually became extremely good at changing, being secretive and covering my tracks.
Apart from my parents, who thought i'd grown out of it, nobody knew - not a soul. That's how I wanted it to be as the earlier events had served to build an unshakeable wall around my feelings. I dated girls from my early teens and the urges lessened a bit (although not much). I don't think any of them suspected and I really didn't have the courage to confide in them.
After school I went to 6th form college and met a girl I'd spend the next two years with. Eventually she became seriously suspiscious of me and was convinced I was gay. As it turned out, I was spending time with a male History teacher but only because he fancied me - we never had a relationship or did anything other than drink and play chess! We ended up parting quite bitterly and I decided to get away, just run for it!
In '89 I moved to Cornwall (couldn't get much further away) and just got drunk all the time. A friend of mine was a real beer monster and we spent all day in the pub playing cards and getting horribly pissed! All this booze (and a few drugs too) lowered my inhibitions and I went out and bought some clothes, makeup and a wig (which was dreadful!). I'm sure my housemates knew but they didn't comment (to me, at least) and I really wasn't arsed anyway! It was here that I met my last girlfriend...........
She was 5 years younger than me, sixteen and fit as a butcher's dog. Coincidentally, we were the same height and I was very slight back then at around 8.5 stone with a 28" waist! It wasn't long before I was raiding her wardrobe and everything fit me perfectly - of course, she wasn't in at those times. I really should have come clean at that point but I couldn't bring myself to tell her. This was my thing! Looking back, there's a chance she could have gone for it and I should have tried harder. We ended up going our separate ways anyway!
The mid 90s were when things really hit rock bottom. Back up North I got mixed up in the heroin scene and any sense of self-worth I had left was truly decimated. Didn't care about anything other than scoring. No money to buy anything but smack. No friends and a potentially short future. I managed to get away and clean myself up but it took years of doctors, hospitals, counselling and general shit to recover. I swore then that I wouldn't go through that again and never have!
All this left a void in my life which needed filling. I started to drink heavily again and it didn't take long before one addiction led to another. I actually managed to hold down a couple of jobs while totally wasted - god knows how I managed it, just so used to it. I didn't have any relationships for many years and just worked like a drone, spending all my money on booze. I still had all the stuff so spent the nights totally female. It was then when I met my first male partner.
At this point, I'd like to be able to say things got better..........but they didn't. I was so screwed up and confused, a mind of squirming mess through drink and drugs, that I attempted suicide - an overdose of paracetamol and alcohol. I think I was so tolerant from past abuse that my body just took it - believe me, this was a serious attempt! Rushed to hospital, I spent two months there and narrowly avoided being committed to an asylum.
Since then life has bobbed along, me falling off the wagon several times, different jobs, periods of unemployment, the usual. Around the millennium I got another shit job but this one actually led somewhere and I'm still with them. I'm now down south again. I've given up the booze, hopefully forever, and feel pretty good. Just writing this has made me realise I'm better off now than I've ever been. I've reached the age where I feel I've wasted a lot of years and this must stop!
I'm now becoming aware that I need to explore my sexuality further and at least bring some of my feelings forward. When you build a wall at an early age it's difficult to tear down. Ok, it stopped the really bad stuff harming me but it also kept everything in! This will be a difficult step but one worth taking, I think. I know there are a lot of people out there in the same boat and we all yearn for acceptance.
The mortar really is starting to crumble now and the first crack of light will soon be in sight. When it does - watch out world, Suzie's coming out.................
I'd love to hear from anyone similar - I'm quite shy as I said but am very gentle and have a lot of love to give. All my photos are very recent and how I really look. Initially looking for chats and emails, I'd be willing to meet up with the right people but please be patient with me - it will be worth it....
Hopefully my photos give you an idea of how I look but below are the main bits....
Height - 5'7" without heels
Dress Size - 12
Shoe size - 8
Eyes - blue/grey
Hair - depends on the day, naturally brown
Build - slim, slender
Body Art - several intimate piercings, no tattoos yet!
Inclination - bisexual
Star Sign - Virgo, of course
Love - cats, chocolate, shopping, sleepng, dancing and being lazy!
Hate - targets, deadlines, authority and having my tail pulled!
I also play acoustic and bass guitars (and some keyboards). I'm a bit of a songwriter but not much good with lyrics! I love anything arty and enjoy photography. Not into sport really although I don't dislike it, just not interested.
Interests:
Cross-dressing, Fetish clothing, Shopping, Boots, Stockings / Suspenders, Sex, Lingerie, Dressed nights out, Groups, Goth wear, Hair accessories, Email chat, Wigs, Erotic nights in, Leather Skirt/Dress, Admirers / men, Full Makeup, Convincing, High Heels, Evenings, Weekends, Can Accommodate, Can Travel, Trendy/Modern club wear, Inexperienced, Micro/Mini skirts, Smoking Fetish, I am a smoker, Relationship (casual), Relationship (serious), Single/Unattached, Friendship
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