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Transgender
Favorite Look:
Classy / Stylish
Welcome to my little space on the web. 2017 was the year of awakening and taking control of my life. As of 2019, finally happy as I’ve transitioned and can be myself authentically every day of my life.
So, I’m a forty something transgendered woman, single, long legged (6’ 5”) and like to think intelligent. I enjoy good conversations from politics to history or travel, love movies, theatre, dinner dates and fashion if the size of my wardrobe is an indication.
Guys – I am interested in dating, connecting and a relationship, does that happen on here? - but no interest in one night hookups.
The following timeline and experiences may be useful to other girls on the same path as me - especially as the journey seemed impossible at 6 foot 5 tall, introverted and forever worried about what everybody else will think and the bad things that could happen. Don't read if you want to maintain the illusion....
July '22
So a little while since my last update - pandemic came along just after I transitioned so 2 years of Zoom calls but finally feeling comfortable being me and settled. I had Facial Feminisation Surgery in mid March 22 and whilst its still settling, starting to like the results. Funnily enough it was only looking on the photos on here that I realised how big a change it has made and now given me that inner confidence too and not forever feeling trans but just comfortable in myself. Ready to start looking for my shining knight - can still like some sterotypes whilst being a modern woman.
February '20
So the last 4 months have been amazing since socially transitioning and starting back to work as Tanya. Social and work transition all happened at the same time as a year of nearly weekly electrolysis finally did its stuff. My first female haircut literally transformed me and gave me so much confidence, it made me feel bulletproof.
My workplace, a large utility in Reading has been amazing. Having been there for over 10 years in the HQ and with a large network, it was difficult to slip back in without anyone noticing. The response to my message was amazing, so my first day back was boring as has every other day since with complete acceptance and support.
Four months later, HRT is still doing its stuff, getting up 45 minutes earlier to do my hair and makeup is now normal. Living my life authentically as me just feels great. Having had gender issues cause me so much angst throughout my life - now life is feeling full of opportunity and to be enjoyed.
October '19
Exactly 1 year on HRT - on Monday I go back to work for the first time as Tanya and I guess that completes the ‘social transition’. It has taken just 2 years for 11 rounds of laser and 60 hours of electrolysis to completely clear my face.
My voice has been a huge concern, but after a year’s worth of coaching with Christella Antoni, I now have the range and techniques to hold an ok voice, something I didn’t think was possible a year ago, its been glacially slow, but steady progress. I have NIL natural vocal ability, could never impersonate a voice, but effort and time you can shape any voice.
I started HRT with the London Transgendered Clinic, both because the waiting time for Charing X GIC is so long and secondly, I needed HRT to help my transition. LTC and Mark Burke as the prescribing nurse have been amazing – with a supportive GP in shared care. The changes have been slow but affirming, the main one being psychological, not hormone related at finally being able to be comfortable with myself and not hide it, whilst the slow but steady body shape changes are amazing.
My workplace have been excellent in supporting me. I came out to my immediate team and had a really positive response. I emailed ‘my story’ to 120 colleagues, as much to save 120 different and possibly awkward conversations to get everyone to a basic understanding. The message seems to have gone a bit viral, I’ve had over 60 messages of support by return – many copied to the entire distribution to visibly show support – including from a number of people who I’ve never met and have been forwarded the note.
Monday is my first day back in the office, but in a way that I thought I’d never have the courage to face my friends and colleagues, I actually feel really confident and that this isn’t the hardest obstacle I’ve faced.
So life is good.
October ’18
HRT day 0. It’s finally arrived – and on my birthday. It seems apt – as it is the start of my life and for me to start living my life genuinely and proud. I’ve had the box of estrogen for a month but been waiting till my birthday before starting.
I’ve gone privately with London Transgendered Surgery – those off Transformation Street for those that remember that documentary last year. The psychologist was professional but still caring and supportive and Mary was amazing. With so few providers, it’s taken 7 months from first contact to the 2 appointments.
My face is now nearly hairless after laser and electrolysis and responding really well to being properly cared for. I had no idea my skin colour was so much lighter, it’s amazing the difference in colour that blue haze causes. I feel so much better when I look at myself in the mirror and can't stop myself smiling all the time.
My hair is shoulder length and trimmed just once in 2 years. Voice coaching is progressing, I was so nervous before I started – but is amazing that it is a muscle that can be trained like any other.
I’ve done everything I can before HRT – now need the magic pills to do their work, start rounding out my face, redistributing fat and then Tanya will be here every day and every minute.
July ‘17
The genie is well and truly out of the bottle. Registered with GP and referral raised to Charing Cross GIC. GP was great – did not know the process or how it works but had rocked up with the referral form and able to show her what to do and educate her. I’m confirmed on the waiting list with first appointment in around 14 months – NHS is overwhelmed with the volume of referrals going through and makes a mockery of the waiting list targets. Still, there’s always private for when I’m ready.
Discussed with work, not your usual 1-1 with your boss, this has always been my biggest fear as if I’m not employable I can’t live, I know there are employment laws, but very easy to be managed out as part of a re-org and redundancy. My company really stepped up and convinced me they really believe what they say about diversity.
Started laser hair removal and electrolysis with Sk:n. Team in Reading great and really welcoming, I’m not the first early stage transgirl they’ve met.
March ‘17
So, on an emotional level the weight I’ve been feeling on my mind seems to have grown to a greater level over the last few months. I’ve always had my wrong gender being the number one thought I think about hourly and even minute by minute of every day. This has seemed to grow and reached suffocating levels and I experienced what I think must be anxiety for the first time.
I came out to my parents about my gender issues and impact it is having on my life. I was so worried about their reaction, they don’t quite get it and think it’s just a bit of crossdressing but only want the best for me. The switch in my head has been amazing – it’s like that overactive thinking volume has turned right down. After 30 years of being this secret that cannot be revealed, bottling up and driving me to distraction, it’s reduced that inner turmoil.
February ‘17
What I’ve realised is I’ve never been happy. I’ve been getting by but never fulfilled. Never liked my body or genuinely happy in myself. I am living a half life. That’s quite a realisation and it’s in my gift to change that. For the first time I think I can change this, I’ve always stopped myself dreaming as a 6’ 5” woman will never merge into the background. But that’s me fearing the worst and not having a great deal of inner confidence.
Came out for the first time to close friends admitting I’m trans and don’t want to hide it anymore. I shouldn’t have been surprised, but they were great, supportive and changes nothing – again another of my demons exorcised. Over time, going to be open with friends and family and ultimately work, whatever I should do in the future, this is part of me that I’ve been hiding for too long.
January ‘17
I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching. I’ve always been more comfortable in female mode, but this secret existence is no longer enough. I constantly dream of living my life as a woman and if I don’t act now, I never will, or be too old to enjoy my femininity. So, it is a crossroads and time to address my fears and take some risks.
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