Guide for Wives of Male to Female Transvestites

When you first learn that your husband is a transvestite, it can be a shock for many women. There are many concerns that you're likely to have. This is natural and nothing to be ashamed of. The most important thing is to calmly educate yourself, something that you're doing right this very second.

What Is a Male to Female Transvestite?

Your husband enjoys dressing in a traditionally feminine way, to one degree or another. This may only go as far as wearing lace panties or a touch of eyeliner, or he may want to wear a dress, heels and makeup and go out to a club. Talk to your husband and ask him what he enjoys and what he wants to do. Keep an open minded and listen. As difficult as it may be for you to hear at first, it could be even far more difficult for him to explain.

His reasons for cross dressing will have an impact on what he wants to do and what effect this will have on your marriage. Some of these reasons could include: he enjoys feeling pretty; he finds cross dressing entertaining or amusing; women's clothing is comforting for him; dressing has erotic overtones to him; or cross dressing allows him to explore a feminine side he can't normally give voice to. His reasons could include one of these, a combination, or none at all. The only way you'll know is if you ask him, listen and ask questions when you don't understand.

Changes

The worry that everything in your marriage is going to be different now is a common one. This isn't necessarily the case, though. Some things may change, but they will depend on how both of you feel.

Your husband may have a name he likes to use when he's dressed. If he does, using it with him will help him feel more comfortable. It can even lead to him being more open and honest about what he's feeling. It can also help you come to terms with this aspect of your husband.

Once the two of you have discussed his cross dressing, he may be more open about his habits and interests. For some women, this can feel a little overwhelming, as if everything is changing at once. Keep in mind that for him, this may be something that has been part of his life for a very long time. What feels sudden to you might feel very slow to him. The best way to work through these differing experiences is to keep the lines of communication open.

Sexuality

Many women married to transvestites worry that this is the first step to their husbands coming out as gay. This is rarely the case, however. The vast majority of male to female transvestites are strongly attracted to women. The fact that he married you and is being honest with you and himself about his transvestism shows a great deal of investment in the relationship on his part.

Some transvestites do enjoy having sexual contact while dressed, but it's usually with women. In this case, your husband may want to incorporate some of his cross dressing into your lovemaking. Approach this at your own pace and set limits on things that make you feel uncomfortable. Communicate clearly about what you are curious about, what interests you, and what does not interest you.

Benefits

Believe it or not, there are many benefits to being married to a transvestite. Many women report their husbands gaining greater insight into the experience of a woman in the modern world and being more open to listening to their wives' experiences and feelings. That sensitivity and the great trust you both place in one another as you openly share your thoughts and feelings about this situation can strengthen your marriage. You may even find that now that you know of your husband's transvestism, things the two of you used to fight about no longer seem to matter as much. The discomfort of keeping a secret will be gone, replaced with the warmth of trust and honesty.

Some women ultimately find that they love the fact that their husbands cross dress. They're able to look at clothing together and discuss fashion. In some ways it can be like discovering a new friend, who already knows everything about you and loves you deeply.

Though it can be intimidating at first and feel like a huge secret has been kept from you, your husband is still the man you married. You both still love one another. Look at this as an opportunity to get to know one another better.

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